where have all the flowers gone?

Ah finally a time to write again! :D

Well, first things first. Not much have been happening lately. Life is decent. There were some minor problems along the way tho but nothing serious basically.

But anyway, I started to feel that slowly but sure, I am running out of control of everything. I have no idea what made me feel this way. But this thinking has been bugging me a lot up to the point that I am worried about what will my life be in the next 20 years?

There are some relationship problems. Well, nothing so serious, but only some minors. But still, it's these little things that bothers me a lot. Like, sometimes this thinking popped up in my mind whenever we got into a quarrel lately: why we can even quarrel over this small stuff when we have already been through the same situation before where we didn't even give a damn about? Sheesh.

I really don't understand. But this I do realise: I have changed. People change. When people change, so does the way they see things.

To sum it up, here's the ugly truth: I become more of an emotional person now, I'm afraid.

Helplessly, now I am becoming more and more, a kind of girlfriend I didn't want myself to be.

Sometimes these days, I wondered why my thick layer of patience is rapidly wearing thin like the dying ozone layer.

Sometimes these days, I ask myself-

Where has this girl I once before gone? The girl with more patience, more understanding, more kindness in her.

I am left confused and clueless. Unsatisfied. Sad and angry.

Angry of what I have become now. Sad of remembering the good old me and the good old days.

I don't even know whether I am being truthful to myself when I write this, or am I just overreacting.

Well, whatever it is, I am a little unwell right now. I am losing my old self. And this new self is not something better, really. I can only pray, that I could work things out slowly, one by one.

Maybe like my boyfriend once said, it's all just a game of mind.

I guess he's right. Dead on.




[17.13 PM] sometimes, i just need your hug and nothing more.







photo from flickr by ainasa: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23179744@N03/3465745433/

bitter repeat

//i wish i could say something rather than just walking beside you, mister//

tonight should've been a fine night

where I imagined a drunk couple

talked nonsense along the way home

and laughed their ass off--staggering along the dim pavement

a rare clear night sky above them, sprinkled with stars

not a sight you could easily find these days in big cities.

but today I went home with a bitter feeling

a feeling once forgotten, and now, resurfaced once more

only to hurt my heart and ruin my night.

a feeling of being useless

not being able to help--at all.

some people say,

i am a good listener

but not a good advisor.

i listen to people's complaints

but, that's about all i can do--nothing more than that.

usually, i've never had any problem with that

but when it comes to the people that i love the most,

and not being able to give any good advices, or comfort when they need it most--

it hurts.

it hurts to see them suffer alone and be helpless about it.

:(

sometimes, i wish i could be a pair of earphones just for once in a while

where i could give something comforting to hear, something to brighten their mood

and not just being a goddamn microphone all the time

where the only thing that i can do is just sitting still while they cry their heart out in front of me.

seriously, i feel like shit right now

so, sorry for this shitty posting.

i am going to end this blog without any enlightment or dramatic exit.

good night and thanks for reading.

hope to see you again in the next posting--which i hope won't be a depressing one.






[10.57] blah.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/20466740@N00/3429476798/