in the grey.

.

i've arrived to a point

where i can no longer tell

which is black, which is white.

which is which.

i am no longer sure of what i should do,

or what i should not.

be it right be it wrong,

i'm just asking for a piece of justice for you.

i never believed that things should be so unfair.

instead i believe that nothing is wasted.

at the end of this note, i'm still so unsure of what to say.

still in the grey, still sad, still confused, still in doubt,

still haunted by shadows of regret...

maybe i just say i love you.

coz right now,

that's the only thing i'm sure of.

good night and see you tomorrow.

hope you get a good rest so you'll be in a good mood tomorrow.

do know that i always wish for your happiness.


XOXO.




----------------------------------------------


[3.54AM] ....yes, i can't sleep.

where have all the flowers gone?

Ah finally a time to write again! :D

Well, first things first. Not much have been happening lately. Life is decent. There were some minor problems along the way tho but nothing serious basically.

But anyway, I started to feel that slowly but sure, I am running out of control of everything. I have no idea what made me feel this way. But this thinking has been bugging me a lot up to the point that I am worried about what will my life be in the next 20 years?

There are some relationship problems. Well, nothing so serious, but only some minors. But still, it's these little things that bothers me a lot. Like, sometimes this thinking popped up in my mind whenever we got into a quarrel lately: why we can even quarrel over this small stuff when we have already been through the same situation before where we didn't even give a damn about? Sheesh.

I really don't understand. But this I do realise: I have changed. People change. When people change, so does the way they see things.

To sum it up, here's the ugly truth: I become more of an emotional person now, I'm afraid.

Helplessly, now I am becoming more and more, a kind of girlfriend I didn't want myself to be.

Sometimes these days, I wondered why my thick layer of patience is rapidly wearing thin like the dying ozone layer.

Sometimes these days, I ask myself-

Where has this girl I once before gone? The girl with more patience, more understanding, more kindness in her.

I am left confused and clueless. Unsatisfied. Sad and angry.

Angry of what I have become now. Sad of remembering the good old me and the good old days.

I don't even know whether I am being truthful to myself when I write this, or am I just overreacting.

Well, whatever it is, I am a little unwell right now. I am losing my old self. And this new self is not something better, really. I can only pray, that I could work things out slowly, one by one.

Maybe like my boyfriend once said, it's all just a game of mind.

I guess he's right. Dead on.




[17.13 PM] sometimes, i just need your hug and nothing more.







photo from flickr by ainasa: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23179744@N03/3465745433/

a missing chunk of yesterday.

My hubby is sick today. He's got a terrible runny nose. And a persistent headache. And sore eyes.

Symptoms of a flu.

Plus he got a scratch on his fingers. Not so serious but he got a chunk of skin missing D8

But the best i can do for him was only to put a plaster on his fingers, and hand him a strip of runny nose medicine.

And that's about all.

When I finished my dinner and we have to go back to our own house

I so wished things were the way it was before.

I wish we could go home together somewhere

And when we got home, I'll be telling him to wash his feet, and just rest in bed.

I will pile pillows and adjust them, until it is just perfect for him

to watch movie comfortably while getting some rest

I wish I were there, to open the blanket and cover him up with it.

I wish I could watch movie at home with him

I don't care about what we'll be watching

Cheap comedy, cheesy romance, teen movie, boring movie-

it all doesn't matter to me

Being by your side

Being able to hug you

Being able to take care of you

Is all that matters.

I'll hand you tissues when you sneeze,

I'll give you water to drink, every fifteen minutes

I'll ask whether you're feeling better after taking your medicine

I'll put my hand on your forehead, to check whether you're having fever

I'll tuck you in bed when the movie's over.

I'll hug you. I'll kiss you.

I wish I could.

I wish it's yesterday once more.




[23.30] wishing i was there.

:: ureshiikattandayoo! :D ::

[ wake up, wake up ]


[ hnn ? -_- ]


[ breakfast. breakfast! :D]


[ o ? ]


[ tap tap tap ]


[ *sit* ]


[< 3 heee . . . ]


[*munch munch munch* ]


XD


[ . . . gochisousama . . . ]

:+: lemon meringue :+:

And the dream goes...

[One fine afternoon. Sunrays bathed my wooden kitchen table as I was making cookies when he came about.]

"What're you doing there?"

"I'm making cookies?" *turned to him, smiling*

"Hmm? What cookies?"

"Uuummm..." *take some minutes to actually remember what the heck I was making*

"Y'know... cookies are best when you made them Lemon Meringue. Here, I'll show you." *acting like an expert hotel chef... who do you think you are? Anthony Bourdain, love?*

[He picked up that freshly-baked crisp cookie from the tray and spread the buttery lemon cream on it.]

"Then, you put another cookie on top of it, like Oreo. See?"

[He put another cookie on top of it and ... voila!--the Lemon Meringue Sandwich Cookie!]

"Wow!" I was staring at it with eyes open wide, looking amused with that Lemon Meringue magic he just did.

...then I woke up.

Ha! A short and sweet dream. Quite a pleasure to make my sleeping time not boring at last! But hey, wait! What they called 'Lemon Meringue' is not a cookie--it's sort of a cake! And... I can't make cookies. Haha-a dream's really just a dream, eh?^^

Oh well, sweet dreams are made of these... :)